I was reading r/adhdwomen on Reddit recently.

I try not to even open the app. It’s wildly addictive. But it’s also very therapeutic on some days. Days that I need to be told that I’m doing ok. At least X, Y or Z are not happening to me.

Could be worse.

Empaths are emotional beings. My emotions often (usually) dictate what will happen. My faith follows my emotions. Now, I know that isn't good! But what to do about it? I think that I usually try to disregard the emotion. If it doesn't exist, then I won't follow it. But recently I tried a new approach. Instead of trying to remove it (which doesn't work anyways), I leaned into it.

I was sharing an incident with my therapist. A very upsetting event that brought upon myself a barrage of emotions that I was having a hard time controlling. The subject is irrelevant. I want to talk about how I handled it.

I recently returned from a trip and I have a lot of words swirling around my head.

So many things happened, good things and not so good things, that I’m having a hard time making sense and order over everything. There were a lot of tears.

Every year I watch some barbequing shows that get me excited about testing my culinary skills in the great outdoors.

I have bought several gas grills ranging from super cheap to cheap-ish. I just can’t justify going above that price range when I can’t seem to produce delicious food.

I’ve been on a sabbatical, of sorts. Although, I wish at the beginning I had realized that was what was happening. Then, I wouldn’t have woken up every day and felt guilty that I wasn’t working. Guilty that all of my energy was poured into appearing normal. So, at the end of the day (or, let’s be honest, around noon), I was exhausted.

The thing I struggle with the most can become my greatest superpower. The problem is that I struggle with so many things. How to choose?

It’s been two years since I started this website. April 2021. Originally, I was writing with the intent of publishing a book. My newest thought is about changing my website. A rebranding, of sorts. I want to get back to where I started this.

I forgot to take my blood pressure medicine, to begin with. There is no doubt whatever about that.

My story, while true, takes its first line from, A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens. Well, I modified the first line from that story. But what happened next was just as magical.

When I travel, I oscillate between no eye contact, no words, no interaction whatsoever with strangers, and sharing my life story. There is usually no medium. But I was recently on a trip with my daughter, and I think that brought about a middle ground.

Well… It’s here again.

I tried to ignore it, but it came anyway.

You know what I’m talking about, don’t you?

You don’t?

I’m talking about Thanksgiving.

I usually try to write AFTER I have figured something out. I will tell you something that happened, and then I will tell you how it ended. But today I am going to spice things up a bit. I am going to tell you something that happened to me and we are going to work through it together. Ready? All right, let us begin.

I lose things all of the time. And after about 30 seconds of looking, I am convinced someone took it. I didn’t misplace it or forget where I placed it. Someone else stole it or moved it. It’s my ‘go to’ response.

Why do I say I’m sorry? Am I just sorry that I got caught? Is it because I truly am sorry and sad at how I made the other person feel? At the very least, maybe I am sorry for the mess I made. Do I say I’m sorry just so I can get a free pass to go and do it again?

Lastly, just because I say I’m sorry, do they have to forgive me?

Short answer: no.

I wear yoga pants all the time, usually, but not when someone is going to be stopping by. Especially if the “someones” are construction people that I don’t know. So instead of waking up and working out, I started waking up and getting dressed for the day. In regular clothes and makeup. So, you see, it really is THEIR fault I haven’t been doing what I am supposed to be doing. At least, that is what I am telling myself.

I have spent my entire life trying to bend and twist myself into what is acceptable by the standards of society. Although my family laughed at the fact that, “Missy marches to the beat of her own drum,” they didn’t actually accept it. Neither did my teachers. Or friends. Or acquaintances. No one has. So I eventually tried to fly under the radar. Blend in. Be like everyone else.

May is Mental Health Awareness Month and I only just realized. I should really pay attention to these things. Although my website is centered around finding purpose, mental health is an intertwined foundational theme.

I have never understood sports fans. I didn’t understand the passion. I didn’t understand the yelling, the excitement, or how much it could affect the rest of the week. I didn’t understand the pregame discussions about what might happen, or the postgame discussions about what just happened. It made no sense to me.

Because I am in my late 40s, when I help younger people, I tend to think the only thing I have to offer is wisdom. I never understood the pain while going through the pain. But after time, reflection, and maybe a drink or two, I’ve been able to look back and see growth. And that is what I bring to the table. Except I recently realized it is not in the way I originally thought.

Today is the 1 Year Anniversary of this website! Happy birthday to me!!