29 - You Can Be Anything!

I’ve been thinking a lot about generations lately. Boomers. Millennials. Generation Z. And especially the one that I fall right smack dab in the middle of: Gen X.

Because I am in my late 40s, when I help younger people, I tend to think the only thing I have to offer is wisdom. Like it or not, I’ve been through some shit. I didn’t always learn lessons at the time. As a matter of fact, I never understood the pain while going through the pain. But after time, reflection, and maybe a drink or two, I’ve been able to look back and see growth. And that is what I bring to the table.

Except I recently realized it is not in the way I originally thought.

If you are older than someone, you can share insight. An older mom shares her tips for surviving toddler years. A married woman shares tips for a young bride’s wedding day. A young professional recounts survival tips for university. No matter how behind we feel, we are also one step ahead of someone else. It’s just the way it is.

But an interesting thing I learned is that being more than one step ahead can give you a broader perspective. As opposed to just being a couple of years older than someone, if you are 25, you most likely see the world through a completely different lens. You see the potential the other person has, or the opportunities that they cannot see.

I used to love that. That I finally have some life hacks to share. That I’m the older woman with sage advice that all young people should heed.

Except.

Except that I grew up in a different time. The things my daughter has experienced in college are not the same as my own. Not because she went to a different university, and not because she is different from me. The truth is that she has grown up in a different era. She hasn’t experienced a life without technology.

Yes, we have gone camping, and she has been in activities that do not involve electronics. But she grew up in a time where all information has been at her fingertips. I didn’t get my first computer until I was married. And we shared it.

She has submitted papers electronically by midnight of the due date. I had to type my papers on a typewriter, starting all over if I made a mistake (my English teacher didn’t allow white-out), and hand in during class.

I grew up in a generation of latchkey kids, and our parents never knew where we were, or who we were with. In grade school. 

I have always known where my kids were. I knew their friends. I knew their friends’ parents. I actually knew their names.

When I was a kid, I knew no one with food allergies. I ate questionable food made from questionable ingredients. My kids have allergies and read labels and ask questions about what is presented to them to eat.

And, in my opinion, one of the biggest differences? What they watched.

I watched shows that were mostly lighthearted, but threw in “after school special” themes occasionally. Don’t do drugs! Don’t be a bully! Don’t join a gang! I also watched shows that were not written for me. Adult themes with adult problems. Even if I didn’t understand everything, I was slowly learning what I should do as an adult: doing this will get you in trouble, and doing that will make your life turn out great. I don’t think the writers of the shows or movies gave any thought to what a kid might be learning. Heck, I watched things that no one thought a child should see, but ratings were more flexible and enforcement was nonexistent.

I’ll admit, I used the television as a babysitter a lot. They weren’t plopped down in front of it, but it was always going in the background.

When I was a kid, if I was sick in bed, I watched Sesame Street. Or game shows.

My kids watched Cyberchase, SuperWhy!, and Dragon Tales.

Or Nickelodeon: Blues Clues, Little Einsteins, Backyardigans.

I laugh when I think back to Phineas and Ferb. My kids wanted to watch it but I didn’t think it was appropriate so I said no. Without actually watching it. A little while later I discovered its true content and now it is still one of our most favorite cartoons. An entire generation has grown up knowing exactly what an AGLET is!

Side note: I can’t believe this happened, but I was in a professional setting, surrounded by a group who kept talking about the end of a shoelace. And they kept saying, “the end of the shoelace” over and over while talking. Finally, I was like, “It’s an AGLET!!” They were duly impressed. Thank you, Phineas and Ferb!!

Another slightly controversial show would be Spongebob. My older two have watched it so many times they can quote it. We all do. Not everyone agrees with that choice, but it has entertained all of us.

And the thing I love the most, is that my kids have grown up watching shows and movies that have challenged them to be different. And not, “my nose is big and I should embrace it,” different. I mean truly different.

That generation was told so many times that they could be anything they wanted to be. And so there is a joke that the answer is a panda. Or a tank. Which is funny, but also made me think.

I don’t think those silly ideas of being a panda or a tank necessarily came from this, but hear me out.

A kid hears over and over that he or she can be anything s/he wants to be when s/he grows up. Although it is said with good intentions, it is misunderstood. The speaker means to say that the child can be a doctor or lawyer or any other high achieving career. The adult is trying to instill a sense of self, and that the child should not be held back by upbringing or financial situation. Just because the child is born into __________ (fill in the blank), they can still be successful in the eyes of society.

But that isn’t what everyone gleaned from that pep talk. They heard, “I can be anything.” And the anything that they want to be isn’t what previous generations have sought. 

Kids were learning from movies, motivational teachers, and posters that anything meant anything.

How to Train Your Dragon. Moana. Mulan. All examples of being brave, going against the “norm,” and doing what was right.

And that is where things get difficult.

Adults are trying to backtrack and say, “Well, what I meant to say is that you can be the President or a CEO. I didn’t mean that you can be a YouTube star.” But that invokes a reaction of, “If I can’t be what I want to be, I might as well be something ridiculous like a tank. Because you lied to me.”

Society, as a whole, has expectations for the ones coming behind. The older ones lead until they no longer are capable. Then, they hand it over to the ones who are best able to handle the task. In their opinion.

But young people today are not doing things the same way. They want to be different. They were taught to be different. And because of the time period they have grown up in, they are different.

Different doesn’t equal wrong.

That brings us back around to the “wisdom” conversation. All of my thoughts about what is the best way of doing things are based on my experiences. Experiences that happened a long time ago.

Just because things didn’t work out for me, doesn’t mean things won’t work out for them.

Just because a choice I made was wrong, doesn’t mean that the choice is wrong for someone else.

Just because I was afraid to do something, doesn’t mean I should instill that fear in someone else.

Just because I didn’t think to do something, doesn’t mean the idea is stupid.

So now, when I sit down to talk to someone that is struggling to find their path, or working to make their future, I try to remove those predetermined outcomes that my brain is trying to create.

I listen.

I encourage.

I motivate.

I embolden.

Each generation has had to make decisions about how to change the world. That’s why I am choosing to stand alongside and behind those who have come after me. Because they need us to support and believe in them.

And I do!