Throughout my life, things have happened to me and I have cried, “Why me?? Why is it always me??” And I honestly didn’t understand. I felt targeted. As if the entire universe was conspiring against me.

I feel that the first 30 minutes really set the tone for the day. If I wake up and am rushed, my day will feel chaotic and crazy. If I scroll through social media, I feel anxious and tense. When I am able to have my preferred morning ritual, I do better.

The work it required to get to this place has been phenomenal. Seriously, it took years. Long years. Painful years. Working behind the scenes. Working on myself.

Since I was young, I have told myself I am a ‘Jack of all trades, master of none.’ Because I can do a lot of things sufficiently, or enough to get by, but nothing that would make someone believe that I had mastered the skill.

I have two voices in my head that sound alike. One will tell me to get the dishes done because I’ll feel better once the kitchen is clean. The other tells me I can do it later when I have more energy. The second one is obviously lying because I will never have more energy.

Back in the day, before cell phones were so common, and even if you had one, there wasn’t access to the internet, going to an appointment was boring. Don’t get me wrong, it’s still boring! But at that time, it was excruciating.

When I am thinking about the stories I write, there is always a picture or movie in my mind as well. A visual representation of what I am trying to say. And then I describe it. Sometimes, I think I do a pretty good job of putting it into words. Other times, not so much.

Life is not linear. It’s up. It’s down. AND it’s all around. It has three dimensions. It’s X, Y and Z. Also, it’s not a line. It’s circular. 

As I became acquainted with each person, their hand automatically went out to shake mine. The first time it happened, I hesitated, then shook the hand. Is this what we are doing now?

I struggled as an adult with the holiday. The songs that I loved actually brought back bad memories instead of joy. The beautiful tree lights reminded me of sadness instead of excitement.

Planning is key to survival. And I start early. Not, “Wow! You’re amazing for being so organized” early. More like, “Holy shit! Thanksgiving is next month and I better get my butt in gear” early.

110 % is a myth. It looks good on a poster and sounds good from a coach, but it isn't real. And if I’m not careful, it's unhealthy.

I tiptoed around others for years, trying to stay calm. But dying inside at the audacity of some people. Like, seriously?! What the hell is wrong with you?

My real passion is to share my stories in person. On stage. To a large group of people. That is my ultimate goal. I’m just trying to figure out how to get there.

Imagine you are holding a balloon. It holds all of your anger. You feel justified in your anger which allows it to stretch beyond its capability. It pops.

One of my favorite shirts was found at the Denver Comic Con, and perfectly captures the essence of who I want to be. It is a beautiful, indifferent fox, looking over her shoulder. The caption reads, “I GIVE ZERO FOX.”

I blinked, as if that would somehow change what I was seeing. Maybe it wasn’t actually broken. Maybe I had imagined it.

Why had I waited SO LONG to do something that was so easy? The short answer is that I thought it would be hard. But honestly, I had wasted time by not even trying.

I am constantly trying to achieve balance, but at any given moment on the high-wire act of life, I could be anywhere on the spectrum. I look like a WACKY WAVING ARM-FLAILING INFLATABLE TUBE MAN, trying to gain balance.

On this road to finding your purpose, have you tried to change too many things at once? How’s that working out for you?