27 - Toxic Authority
I’m on a journey. But not in a good way. Well, maybe. Maybe it’s good. I’m not sure yet. Time will tell.
Throughout my life, things have happened to me and I have cried, “Why me?? Why is it always me??” And I honestly didn’t understand. I felt targeted. As if the entire universe was conspiring against me.
I would stand up and fight against something that was wrong. Not against everything, but things of upmost importance. I would fight so that those who came behind me would not have to fight. But it’s exhausting. Why am I always the one who has to do this?
But this week I had an a-ha moment that has completely redefined my existence. It’s not that things don’t happen to other people, it’s that they don’t stand up and fight against it.
They look away.
They pretend it didn’t happen.
They don’t think it’s worth it to say anything.
And the worst part? Most of the time it isn’t worth it. The fight to right an injustice is an epic battle, a sisyphean struggle (a task as seemingly endless and futile—you keep doing it but it never gets done).
When I graduated from one of the most prestigious schools in Civil Engineering, I was one of only a couple of female students. But that was a long time ago. Things have changed.
That’s what I thought.
Last year a female student was sexually harassed by another student, a male, at another prestigious university. When she went to her professors (males) for help, they did nothing. When she told them that she was going to the Title IX office to file a complaint, they told her not to go. It would ruin the young man’s graduation and future job prospects. They would take care of it. They didn’t. Last week I was called upon to help her. She was harassed by two male professors to the point of being afraid for her safety. She has not stepped foot on campus and is asking for help. But no one will listen.
I have a husband and three boys. I have asked them if they are ever afraid to be in public. Have they ever been frightened because a man is following them in a store or outside on the street? Have they ever chosen not to go somewhere simply because of the time of day, and it was getting dark? Have they been afraid to speak up for fear of physical retribution? Have they been afraid of being attacked by those around them? Have they often worried about being raped?
No matter how hard we work for equality or respect, there is still the reality that men don’t understand what it is like to be in the body of a woman. It’s not their fault that they don’t know what it is like to be something that they are not. But it is their fault if they don’t TRY to understand.
That’s why I am worried about the future. If people are actively working to change the world, and it isn’t changing, what is the point?
I’ll tell you the point. More people have to step up!
I don’t have to be an activist. I just have to say something when it arises. Even if it comes at an inconvenient time. And I have to be willing to see it all the way to the end. I can’t stop just because it gets hard. I can’t walk away when someone doesn’t listen. I have to talk to someone else. I can’t stop because a person is talking in circles, trying to distract me.
Keep going.
Keep pushing.
Keep talking.
Be heard!