14 - I’m Ready

I was sitting in the office as my eyes browsed the bookshelves. I wasn’t looking for anything, just noticing how neat and organized everything was. This was thanks to my husband. You know the library in Beauty and the Beast, the Disney version? That’s his dream library. For now, there are three bookcases, organized by author and subject. The books were nonfiction and fiction. Hardback and softcover. My eyes landed on the books that my husband and daughter had each written and published. I was so proud!

When my husband wrote his first novel, I didn’t trust my instincts as an editor. We paid someone else to do it which had been a waste of money. Everything they said were things I had caught as well. Maybe I should do it. Plus, I was free.

Although I never thought of myself as an editor, and I didn’t really enjoy the process, I was actually pretty good. It’s not just reading. It’s checking grammar, story line, and flow. I remember working for the department of transportation as an intern. That’s what they had me do. Edit the ginormous binder of traffic signs and laws. Boring. 

Because I’m not creating stories, I don’t think of myself as a writer, either. I’m not making anything up. I’m just documenting. That’s how this all started, because I was trying to keep track of my journey. For myself. To look back and see how far I have come. 

When I began to entertain the idea of sharing my thoughts with others, I felt I had to make my writing formal and correct. To set the stage the way an author describes the characters and settings. Never start sentences with “but” or “because.” Don’t use words like “this” or “that,” too ambiguous. Don’t use the same words over and over. But it just didn’t flow. It wasn’t me. 

I started writing the way I talk, as if I was speaking with a friend or family member. I hope that comes across. I didn’t want to appear stuffy or above others. Originally, I had hoped to be in a place of arrival, and to explain how I had gotten there. But it became apparent pretty quickly that I would never get to a place of perfection, so I had to start where I was, and just be honest. I also hope that that is seen as well.

The only way I could see reaching people was through a book. I wasn’t dreaming of being on any New York Times best seller list. That isn’t my purpose. 

My real passion is to share my stories in person. On stage. To a large group of people. That is my ultimate goal. I’m just trying to figure out how to get there. 

As my kids and I would talk through a problem, they would tell me to add it to the book. When my daughter went two states away to college, I would send her funny letters. They always started with, “OMG! You will not believe what happened to me today!” Because I have TONS of those stories. She said I should add them to the book.

But I wasn’t making headway.

If you’re new to this site, you don’t know that I am a bit of an “all over the place” type of person. I start projects, then get bored. I get really excited about something, then the newness wears off and I get bored. Or, and this is where the book fell, I really want to finish it, and I’m working towards finishing it, and it’s my ultimate goal to finish it, but I don't know how.

I had notebooks all over the house that were filled with my writing. Whenever an inspiration would hit, I would grab whichever was closest, and start filling the page. It wasn’t perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but I wanted the idea to be down so I wouldn’t forget what it was. 

After months of notes, I wanted to put it on the computer. Trying to organize all of that was crazy! It seemed impossible.

Until one day, while driving home, I had an epiphany. I don’t remember where I had been, but I remember exactly where I was. A song came on the radio that spoke to me. It was about living your life, not sitting back and watching it go by. If you close your eyes, you’ll miss it! It was finally time to move forward. But not with a book. I needed a website.

Let me give you a little background on me. I don’t follow blogs. I don’t follow people on Instagram or Twitter. I barely check Facebook. So when I tried to create my own space, I knew absolutely ZERO about how to do that, or even what it was supposed to look like. The website builder I went through was helpful, but not 100% perfect. There was no template for me to use to get out all of the information I wanted to share. My stories, my recipes, the quotes that speak to me… How do I share everything? Should I share everything? I’m slowly figuring it out. It isn’t perfect, but I’m proud of myself for creating a unique website. One step at a time.

I chose daisies because they just seemed so perfect. Simple but beautiful. Their symbolic meaning is purity and innocence (nope), but can also stand for new beginnings. BINGO!

My daughter, after listening to my ideas, designed my logo. I’m so proud of that! I even had a bunch of stickers made, but I'm not sure what to do with them (if you want one, let me know and I’ll pop it in the mail).

I have a design idea for shirts that would be so awesome to wear. But I’m not trying to turn this into a retail opportunity. It all comes back to my purpose. 

I was placed on this planet, at this time, for a very specific reason. I am an introvert that is very sensitive. But I’m also funny. I hate chit chat with one person, but can get up on stage and sing or speak to hundreds. I have a purpose to fulfil and I don’t want to drop the ball. 

I was created to love people. And encourage them to find their passion, their place, their purpose in this world. 

Even though I am tattered and torn, like the flower for this post, I am ready to do that.