8 - One Step At A Time

My husband and I cannot agree on the appropriate amount of coffee to add to the basket. I like to drink one cup of very strong coffee and he prefers several cups of coffee that is… (how do I say this politely) weak.

Side note: I looked up synonyms for how to state that a coffee is weak, but not bad. Quite the rabbit hole there!

We compromised and bought me a beverage brewing system. A cute, space-saving little pink number that I am enjoying very much. He makes his pot and I make my one cup of high-octane, pedal to the metal caffeine jolt. Marital bliss has returned!

Recently, I came across a new brand of “ultra caffeinated coffee” that I wanted to try. A couple of days later, it arrived on my doorstep and I excitedly opened the box to try the new brew.

A little backstory: I don’t know what is going on, but for the past month I haven’t been able to find my favored brand of coconut creamer. Is it discontinued? Is the truck delayed? Is there some conspiracy? I have been to four stores and no one has it.

I have tried some adequate substitutes, but today I opened a new candidate, oat milk creamer. Now, to be fair, a week ago I tried oat milk with cereal and it was delicious to someone who hasn’t been able to eat that for quite a long time (regular coconut milk is watery, and using coconut creamer on the cereal was too rich). It was an exciting discovery. Surely the coffee creamer would be just as good.

But it wasn’t.

Or, was it?

My eldest son asked if I remembered all the way back to science class. When we would set up an experiment and document the results. What is the one (or a main) rule? Only change one variable at a time.

So which was bad? The coffee or the creamer?

I talk a lot about food issues because that is my life. When I started eliminating foods from my diet, trying to feel better, I didn’t eliminate all of the high allergen suspects. I started with one and kept track of how I felt. When my inflammation went down and I started losing weight without even trying (I had tried for years and years and years and years to lose weight with no success), I realized that removing that food was a good thing. From there, I was able to see that when I ate another certain food, I would feel sick. So I removed that one too. Again, inflammation was reduced even further and I lost more weight. That is how I slowly and methodically removed bad things from my menu.

If you read the last paragraph, you may think I took several weeks to do that. Technically the answer is yes, but it was a lot of weeks. It was actually months. I would remove a food for at least 3 months (usually more than that) before removing another one. And honestly, I didn’t want to remove as many as I did. I just paid attention to my body and what it was telling me.

So when people tell me they could never stop eating the things on my list, I say neither could I. There’s NO WAY I could have removed everything at once. I would have given up after a day. If I even made it a day! The key is to move slowly.

I’ve said this before, but we live in an instant gratification society, so I’ll say it again. We want to know things immediately, we want to talk to someone immediately, we want to get somewhere immediately, we want personal satisfaction and fulfillment immediately. There is no patience. And I agree. I have no patience either.

However, success is best gained calmly, methodically, and purposefully.

On this road to finding your purpose, have you tried to change too many things at once? Have you made some magical list that has you waking up with the birds, drinking tea while you meditate, changing your diet and exercise, removing everything from your life, and trying to morph into someone else that you may not even recognize? Those things may not be bad, but are you doing it all at once?

One of the funniest, yet life altering, things my doctor once asked is, “How’s that working out for you?”

Ha! It’s not!

When I was trying to figure out all of this “live your best life” stuff, I was pretty haphazard in my approach. Try something for a couple of days, then give up. Try something new for a week, then give up. I bounced around from one idea to the next, like a ball on a trampoline. First I was here, then I was all the way over there. Sometimes I bounced high, sometimes I bounced low. There was no rhythm or logic or passion to anything I did.

I wasn’t sure where I wanted to go, but I started paying attention to how I wanted to live. I wanted calm, harmony and joy to fill my home.

How to get there? Instead of throwing up a bunch of rules and strict guidelines, I moved one step at a time.

First, I modeled the behavior I wanted to see. Boy, is that hard! I took a deep breath and talked to people when I had a problem or was hurt. I didn’t lash out. I helped others do the same.

I clearly explained what I wanted and why I wanted it. I have a lot of crazy rules in the house, but I wanted my family to know that experience had taught me what works the best. At least, for me.

I started asking my family why they did the things they did, in order to understand them better. Everyone has their own way of operating and reason for the moves they make. Perhaps it could help me.

I didn’t bark orders or yell jobs. I tried to let them know what was going on ahead of time. I asked for help instead of demanding it. I was respectful of their time and workload, but also remembered that I wasn’t to be a martyr.

I worked hard to achieve the calm, but it was worth it. Everyone relaxed and began to enjoy the atmosphere.

Slowly, I began to add a time of reflection and meditation. Maybe this should have been my first task, but it wasn’t. Only after having a restful house was I able to decrease my anxiety and enjoy the quiet of an early morning. The birds chirping. The wind rustling. A car driving past. If I didn’t add some calm to my physical surroundings, I wouldn’t have been able to experience a calm in my heart. That then translated in appreciating my physical surroundings. Full circle.

It was during these deliberate moments that my mind began to turn and create. Brilliant ideas that led me closer and closer to my purpose.

We all want to rush towards the finish line. We want to be first, we want to be best. But the greatest gift is acknowledging each step taken to get there.

Think of the runner who takes step after step to get to the end of the run. What would happen if a step was skipped? Literally, imagine a runner taking step, step, step. Foot to the ground, pick up, foot to the ground, pick up, foot to the ground, pick up, foot goes down to nothing. No step. What would happen?

We would like to think that if we skipped a step, all would be ok. We’ve all done it. Walking along and have a little dip as our foot goes down wrong, unsteady and unbalanced for a moment until we recover. I’m good!

But there are things to be gained from each step, and not just getting farther down the road. There are lessons to be learned. Strength to be made. Character to be built.

In working on myself, I was led to share the peace with my kids. Not only did they have a better relationship with me, they had better interactions with each other. This gave me a sense of joy that allowed me to continue to work on the vibe of the entire house. I craved more so carved out time in the morning to reinforce my faith and strengthen my relationship with my creator. Not only were my surroundings clear, my mind was completely open to hear words of encouragement and direction.

Foot to the ground, pick up, foot to the ground, pick up, foot to the ground. One step at a time.

If you’re struggling or have given up, I’d like to encourage you. These were my steps. Now go and find yours. One step at a time.

Because honestly, that’s how the best lives, and coffee, are made.

PS. After systematic observation, measurement, and experimentation, and also careful deliberation with my daughter, the data analysis shows that the particular brand of oatmilk creamer that I bought was unsatisfactory. :-)