11 - Mistakes Were Made

I broke our glass front door.

My first mistake was deciding I wanted to play with my new pressure washer (PW) and clean the furniture on the front porch.

I bought the PW in the first place because my daughter had suggested it might be a good way to remove the flaking paint on the back porch. And my kids are sick of scraping the wood and repainting every other year. It’s a tedious job, and no matter how many coats of paint we put on, or how thick the paint is, we still have to do it.

Honestly, the only reason I bought it was because an ad popped up on my computer as half off. ** Thanks, Alexa, for always listening!** Plus, worst case scenario, we have something to wash the cars.

Now, after my last post, I have been in a total GSD (getting shit done) mood. I have torn the place apart, cleaning and throwing out more unnecessary stuff. Plus, and I’m pretty sure this is a universal thought process: when you get a new toy, you want to play with it and see what it can do. The fact that I would be productive in doing so was bonus.

When my son and I pulled it out of the box and put it together, we entertained ourselves for a while on the cement porch outside our back door. We then put it on the strongest setting and hit a few of the bottom wooden steps. It worked a little bit, but nothing major. So, “worst case scenario” was going to be it’s main job. Washing cars. My son carried it up the steps and stored it in the sun to dry out.

The next morning, my mind was spinning as I had the fabulous idea of spraying the wicker chairs on the front porch! It’s not something I usually do, but I had been sitting out there a lot lately and it would be nice to know they were clean.

The PW is very light and it was easy to roll it through the house to the front porch. The problem was getting the very long hose moved from one faucet to another, so I asked my oldest son. He was the only one awake and asked if he could change out of his pajamas. My second mistake was that I said yes.

While waiting at the front door, I noticed how the walkway had become overgrown with weeds. I decided to walk to the barn to get the weedwacker. That was my third mistake.

The machine had chopped about three weeds before sending a projectile into the glass door. As I let go of the button, I could hear the door slowly and quietly cracking into a billion pieces. A clear protective coating was trying to hold it all together, but I could see the point from which all the spiderweb lines were crawling. It wasn’t going to last very long.

As I stared at the door, my life seemed to be moving in slow motion. The buzz of the machine, as it reluctantly came to a stop. My arm, as it was gradually lowered. The slight, but steady, almost imperceptible cracking of the glass. 

I blinked, as if that would somehow change what I was seeing. Maybe it wasn’t actually broken. Maybe I had imagined it. 

Nope. It was definitely broken.

As I shook myself out of my daze, I heard the hose being screwed into the faucet on the side of the house. Oh, yeah. I was supposed to be waiting for the water to do something else. 

It was at this moment that something clicked and I did something I didn't often do: I started devising a plan to clean the mess.

I didn’t freak out.

I didn’t cry.

I didn’t panic. 

It was this weird out of body experience and I had a focus that I didn’t usually possess. I walked over to meet up with my son. I explained what happened and we discussed ways to proceed. Next, we each woke up one of my two younger boys to get their help. 

We got a bucket and lined it with a contractor-grade trash bag, a shovel that is flat on the end, the shop-vac from the barn, a broom, and packing tape to cover any sharp edges that were left. 

I was ok until one of my younger sons asked how it had happened. I hesitated so he asked, “Is it stupid?” For a moment I was on the verge of tears. It felt like a stupid mistake. But was it? Maybe.

I replayed the events in my mind. Originally, I was wearing shorts, but I changed into jeans. That was good. I was wearing sunglasses to protect my eyes. That was good. I checked to make sure I remembered where all the buttons were, and how they worked. That was good. I looked to make sure there were no large rocks in the path. That was good. It was just a freak accident and it could have happened to anyone.

I think I’ve talked about this a lot but I’ll say it again. I have spent so much of my life trying to control what happens. Trying to manipulate outcomes. Being so careful of what I do, that I often do nothing. 

I still want to think positive thoughts, and pull good things to me. I mean, I’m human. And it works. But I can’t dismiss the fact that sometimes things just happen. We live in a fallen, imperfect world.

The victory isn’t in living a life unmarred by difficulties. I’m winning because I am continuing to move forward. And every once in a while, I move forward in a calm, deliberate way. Yay, me!

So, yes, mistakes were made. But something really cool happened as well. I learned that I am changing. 

I see the improvement. I see the calm. I see me becoming the best me.

And that is worth a million mistakes to get here.