1W+4D

1 Week, 4 days

So, yesterday, I was supposed to come up with a plan for the rest of my recovery. And be mindful about the moments I was in.

Well let me tell you about one of my moments, pretty early yesterday.

I had to talk to my surgeon's nurse, to get a refill on one of my medications. And while I was talking to her anyway, I wanted to ask if we could lower the strength of one of my meds (see my previous experience here).

Easy.

I wasn't asking for more of anything bad, I was asking for less. 

Easy.

Except this woman terrifies me. So I really had to psych myself up to make the initial call. And I know I have to leave a message, because that's how it's always worked. And as much as I tell myself not to ramble, I usually do.

Ugh!

But I think I did a good job, and left a concise message with nothing but the facts.

Did I? Good Lord, I don't know anymore! I think I am acting and talking completely normal, but later, when I think back, things are fuzzy. How strong is this medicine? I should really cut back!

Anyway, she calls me back and it goes smooth. Smooth as butter! She is proud of my progress and is happy to put in an order for a lower strength medication as well as a refill for the other.

This is where it gets a little sticky. She says.. and I'm not using quotes here because I didn't record the conversation.. but she basically says..

Don't forget to continue to stagger the medicine by an hour!

Oh, yeah, of course, of course!

(What?? Alarm bells going off in my head.)

I read through ALL of the discharge papers from the hospital: nope!

I read through ALL of the pre-surgery papers from the doctor's office: nope!

I Google taking the meds together: There's an increased risk of serious side effects (like slowed breathing) and even death.

Wh..

Wh..

What the ACTUAL..

I think it would be pretty safe to say I was thrown for a loop. It turns out I take 3 medications that should not mix. So now, instead of doing great things throughout the day, I have to set my alarm every hour and take different medicines.

So I don't die. 

I’m having a hard time processing this information.

I spend a ridiculous amount of time just wasting my day.

Later, my mind is running a million miles an hour and I still can’t seem to relax. I turn off all electronics and try to focus on my surroundings. My window is open and I can still hear the birds. Occasionally, a car drives by. I can see up the road, that couple is doing something outside of their house. Watering their trees? I can’t tell. Even though the sun is setting and the sky is turning a beautiful shade of pink, I am restless. I turn on an app that sounds like the rain. This often helps, but for some reason, it is not working it’s magic. I watch as the sky becomes dark, and my lamp becomes brighter. I turn it off. It’s beautiful but I can’t get my chest to stop hurting.

Eventually, my husband brings my puppy in the room and sets her on the bed. She is causing problems downstairs, annoying our older dog. It’s her bedtime whether she likes it or not.

After petting her for a few minutes, I pick her up and lay her on my chest. I remember when she was 2 pounds and fit. Now, she is a whopping 7 1/2 pounds and stretches down to my stomach. I take her face in my hands and rub both of her ears at the same time.

Her velvet ears are soft in my fingers. She licks my face.

If you know me at all, you would guess that I would jump up and wash my skin. But I don’t. This little drama queen has sneezed on me from day one, and loves to give me kisses.

She is my grounding.

And even though I tease and say she causes me to need emotional support, she actually gives it. She doesn’t even know it.

The day I brought her home

Last night—during my storm, she comforts me!

My crazy, maniac drama queen

Once I am calm and the squeezing from my chest is gone, I am able to think clearly. On the good side, I do have to say I am pretty solid in my belief that I have a purpose that has not yet been fulfilled. That’s pretty cool! I have always said that what I have to share isn’t for everyone. And honestly, it isn’t for most of the people I know. It’s probably for someone on the other side of the world. In a country that I’ve never heard of. And they may have to look up ‘Colorado.’

And when I look at the analytics for my website, I see that that is true.

I already stink at geography, but this accentuates that fact. Where are Camaroon and Bahrain? And why am I so popular in the Philippines?

I look up the countries. Interesting! I learned something today.

As for why I’m so popular, I may never know. But it makes me feel good.

I do have a purpose and I am trying to fulfil it. Even while using a walker and being stuck in my house.

I am pretty proud of that!