1W+3D

1 Week, 3 Days

When you have a difficult surgery that requires a long-term recovery, there needs to be a plan. A plan of what to do. What to do while sitting. Something to keep your mind busy while your body heals.

I had no plan.

I had a vague idea that there needed to be a plan. My plan, if you would call it that, was to sit and think of a plan, once I had the time to focus on what that plan should be.

But the noise of life distracted me.

The “Noise of Life” is everything going on in the background at any given moment. The phone dinging. The dog barking. A package being delivered. My toe itching. Needing to go to the bathroom, but it is 20 feet away, and there are dog toys littering my path. Do I run over them with my walker? Do I try to kick them out of the way? Oh no! This toy is broken! I need to pick it up so she doesn’t choke on the pieces! Should I order another one? She must be going through another phase of teething. Can someone get her a piece of frozen waffle? HELLO?! IS SOMEONE AROUND?! Where are the doorbells? Ugh! They are on the other side of the room! Should I go to the bathroom first? If I do, I might forget to ring the doorbell. I decide to go to the bathroom, the entire time chanting, “Doorbells! Doorbells!” in my head. When I get back to my chair, I ring the doorbells. Hey! I remembered! As I’m patting myself on the back, the boys come to my room to see what I need. Blank stare. I remembered to ring the doorbells, but I don’t remember why.

The noise of life.

Then, hours later, when I’m going to bed, I will look back on the day. I accomplished nothing.

If the rolls were reversed, and you were the one recovering from surgery, I would tell you that it’s ok. It’s ok to just let your body heal. If you wanted to watch trashy tv, I would say that it’s ok if that’s what you want to do. As a matter of fact it’s a great way to distract yourself from the pain. It’s ok!

And, on a basic level, it is ok. But I want more. I gave myself a week and a half. Now, I want more.

We are all given a certain amount of time on earth, and none of us know how long that will be. So we have to make the most of it!

I am not a terribly adventurous person. It’s hard for me to step outside of my comfort zone. But I am trying to be more mindful.

Mindful of the moment I am in. Mindful of my surroundings. Even though I am in my bedroom, and not sitting beside one of the most beautiful waterfalls in the world, I can stop and see the beauty of the setting.

My dog runs up her little stairs and bounds onto my bed. She licks my hand and rolls onto her back so I can rub her belly. She shakes and then runs downstairs to see what shenanigans she can get into.

I open the curtains and the window to see and hear the birds. It’s supposed to snow this week, but for now, at this moment, the weather is absolutely perfect.

Today, while enjoying the moments of the day, I am going to make a plan. A purpose for this time.

I was made on purpose, for purpose.

I need to figure out how to do that now, at this moment, in this room.