T+3 Days

I woke up in so much pain this morning!

My husband’s plan has always been: take as much medicine as you can, around the clock, so you can get better. Whether it’s the flu, removing wisdom teeth, or surgery, he has been an amazing nurse! He sets an alarm to wake our kids and give another dose of tylenol. He sets an alarm and wakes me up to give a muscle relaxer or pain medicine. If you wait until you hurt, it’s hard to recover from that.

But I’m not doing that this time.

My last surgery was very difficult. I had an incision in my back and also in my stomach. I had five screws put in. The healing/recovery process was very long. And so I took strong pain medication for months.

Months.

When I thought I was doing better, I stopped taking them. But your body won’t LET you just stop.

It took me a few hours to realize that taking the medicine made the nausea, vomiting and dread go away. When I talked to my surgeon’s nurse, she said that all I had to do was stop taking them. The side effects would go away in 3-5 days.

3-5 days.

Three.

To five.

Three to five days.

Days.

THREE TO FIVE DAYS!

If you had the flu, were throwing up, curled up in a ball in the corner.. If you knew that there was something that would make all of that stop.. Would you take it?

I used to be judgmental about people who were addicted to drugs. How does that happen? How could someone allow that to happen?

Now I know.

It isn’t something that you set out to do. It isn’t something that is purposefully done. Well, I don’t know. Maybe some people do. But I bet that most people do not set out to let that happen.

What’s annoying is that I told the nurse, right after surgery, that I was afraid that that would happen. She said not to worry. She said it was more important that I heal and feel better.

I believed her.

I really do think she meant it. I really don’t think she intended for me to have a hard time. But when I was addicted and she told me to just go cold turkey.. when she said it would ONLY last 3-5 days.. I felt betrayed.

As much as I had gone into the whole process with my eyes open. As much as I had said I didn’t want that to happen.

It happened.

I ended up weaning myself. I had a few pills that I still hadn’t taken.

I started by waiting as long as possible. Until I wanted to throw up and could wait no longer. Then, I would take half a pill. Then a quarter of a pill. Then a shaving of a pill. I would still feel sick, but it took the edge off.

I did THAT for several days until I was finally weaned.

I had half of a pill left when I was finally ok. I took a picture of that pill and left it on my nightstand to remind myself how strong I am. Eventually, I flushed it down the toilet.

I am proud that I made it through.

And yet..

People fight that battle every day.

It makes me sad and sick just thinking about it.