T-9 Days

The ultrasound is today and I don’t know how to feel. Will someone please tell me?

On the plus side, a friend I haven’t talked to in ages reached out to me yesterday. People I know don’t often tune in to read my posts. I’m not irritated by that. But it was cool that she saw I was preparing for surgery and texted me out of the blue.

People come and go in all of our lives. It is just the way of it. And especially when you are in the military. You move around so much, and meet so many people, it’s hard to keep track of everyone. Except through instagram or facebook. And I don’t like those.

I was engineered for depth, to have meaning and purpose in interactions. And those mediums (facebook, twitter, etc) are not meant for that. They are created to give a glimpse into a person’s life. A snapshot of one moment (usually a grand moment like a vacation or celebration). It gives the illusion of knowing someone when in reality, you know only what they want you to know. And that’s ok. It’s just not for me.

So I lose track of what is going on.

And since I don’t post anything, people lose track of me.

What was really amazing about my friend contacting me, is that we ended up dialing the phone and talking. For an hour and a half. And that carried me through the rest of my day.

I am a strong believer in, “Everything happens for a reason.” I don’t always know what that reason is, but it helps me cope. To know that there is a bigger picture, even if I can’t see it.

I’ll admit I don’t know the big picture yet. But the small picture (for me) is that a dear friend from my past reached out. Isn’t that what we all want? To be seen, to be cared about? Even though someone isn’t nearby, they are still sending hugs and prayers?

So even though I don’t know how to feel about today’s test, I feel warm and cozy about my friend.

And I’m going to hold onto THAT feeling today.