T-13 Days

So what am I trying to accomplish with this new section?

I think I want to share my experiences of undergoing surgery. The lead-up, the mental prep, the fears, the excitement (this will solve all of my problems), the pain of the experience, and the gradual movement back to normal.

Does anyone care about this?

Like most things I write about, if it helps one person, it will be worth it.

As I’m writing this, I am thirteen days from surgery. I am within the window of time where I am no longer allowed to take inflammatory medications like ibuprofen and naproxen. I have had blood work done, an EKG, and CT scan.

Now I wait.

Except I have a nervous energy, so sitting is hard.

Unfortunately, my bedroom is still upstairs. After surgery, I will be up there for a while. I will be using a walker, so things will need to be organized again.

I’ve had a lot of thoughts about what I’m about to go through. But when I sit down to write, there is nothing there. Or maybe it is, but it is so huge, I don’t know how to put it into words.

There is definitely fear. Fear of pain, fear that this surgery will not fix my pain, fear that my family will resent me, fear of being a burden, fear that my puppy will misbehave or worse, love my boys more than she loves me. Some fears are rational. Some fears are clearly irrational.

I don’t know how this is going to go.