You Don’t Know This New Me

You will not recognize me. This time, I put my pieces back differently.

-Malia Makana

I saved this quote because it represented how much I had changed. But I didn’t change into someone else, I was gaining the strength to become the authentic me.

There is a lot of anger and hatred out in the world towards people trying to find out who they are. They make fun of those who are trying to figure out what in the world they should be doing. There’s a lot of, “Quit whining and get a job!” Or, “Stop being so sensitive!” Or, “Life is hard! Grow a pair!”

Yes, life is hard. Yes, you need a job to buy food and shelter. But there is more.

Every time there is a hard life lesson, should I really just push through it and move on? I mean, yes I should. BUT, wouldn’t it be better if I stopped a moment and considered why it was happening? Take an honest look at myself and whether or not I was contributing to the problem? Or maybe, I am not the problem, but I put myself in situations that continue to hurt me. I should consider honoring myself enough to reject certain people or behaviors that continue to cause me pain. Maybe I am learning to be more caring, or loving, or supportive. Maybe I’m learning to live in the moment instead of constantly looking to tomorrow. Maybe I’m learning to put my phone down and listen to a stranger. Maybe I am learning patience, forgiveness or humility. Every hard struggle is trying to teach me something if I choose to listen.

When I went to therapy, I had to peel away all the layers of pain and protection to see who was there. I didn’t stop life while doing that. And honestly, I didn’t enjoy the process all the time. But it was necessary to get to my core. From there, I was able to build myself back up. Instead of hard, negative layers of protection, I have positive energy surrounding, stirring and shielding me.

I am still me. But I am not the same.

This is a new me.