In life we do things…
In life we do things. Some we wish we had never done. Some we wish we could replay a million times in our heads. But they all make us who we are, and in the end they shape every detail about us. If we were to reverse any of them we wouldn’t be the person we are. So just live, make mistakes, have wonderful memories. But never ever second guess who you are, where you have been, and most importantly where it is you’re going. —Unknown
That is a magnet on my refrigerator.
Honestly, I bought it to put in with a gift to someone. But I loved it so much, I kept it. It spoke to me.
Do you replay bad memories over and over in your mind? Is it just me?
I will be going about my day, minding my own business, and then BAM! Bad memory!
Me: playing a game on my kindle…
My brain: Psst! Psssst!! Remember that time you were mean?
Me: I’ve already worked through that.
My brain: But did you work through it? Really? Because that was terrible. And you should think about it again so you know what a horrible person you are. Everyone thinks you’re so nice. But you’re not.
Me: That was the old me. I am doing better.
My brain: Are you better? Are you sure?
That is just one example. There isn’t enough time, or a file large enough to hold the bazillion stories of humiliation, shame, or sadness that run through my head on a daily basis.
There are also times when I think back to my children as babies. Or remember a special birthday. Or remember my wedding day. How I wish I could capture that feeling in a bottle! Open it and pour a little out when I want to relive the excitement, joy and fullness of my heart.
But that is just life. It is filled with happiness, pain, regret, joy, bad choices, and things that magically turn out ok. It’s all over the place.
I wish I was perfect. God, how I wish that were true! But I’m not. I’m a work in progress.
I’m trying to learn from my mistakes and do better next time. I’m trying to enjoy the successes, and live in the moment.
My past is what has shaped me into the person I am today. IT DOES NOT DEFINE ME! But it has shaped me.
I must accept that and move forward to good places.